


Blue Days

by letek



Category: Star Trek: Picard, Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Angst, Episode: s01e10 Et in Arcadia Ego Part 2, Gen, M/M, Pre-Star Trek: Picard, and how he spent his time in there, explores what data thought of living in the simulation, from the beginning of his activation to the end that we see in the show
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-22 22:34:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30045783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letek/pseuds/letek
Summary: A look into Data's mind throughout the decade that he was stuck inside the quantum consciousness that Altan Soong created for him up to his final visit from Jean-Luc Picard.
Relationships: Data/Jean-Luc Picard, it's subtle - Relationship, not really the main focus of the fic
Comments: 4
Kudos: 5





	Blue Days

His mind felt... different. Slow. Cluttered. He tried to open his eyes but there was only darkness. He tried to move his fingers, his arm, his head, his leg, but nothing was working. In fact, he couldn’t feel his limbs or his body at all. It was as if he were in a void. 

_Bing,_ _bing_ _._ He could perceive a ringing noise. Suddenly, there was an image flashing through his mind of a man who looked exactly like him, if he had been human. Another cryptic message from his father, he presumed. Perhaps something happened to him that activated this message. 

_'Hello, Data. I am Dr. Altan Inigo Soong, your brother. Our father,_ _Noonien_ _, biologically conceived me before you were created. I have continued his work on synthetic lifeforms. I recorded this file and implanted it into your memory drive. If everything works how it’s supposed to, you’re receiving this message as you gain consciousness. I’m sure you have a lot of questions. I’ve done my best to anticipate and answer each one. First, I bet you’re wondering where you are. This is a highly sophisticated and complex quantum reconstruction of your consciousness. Bruce Maddox, who I'm sure you remember, has been working with me on my research. He extracted the memory engrams from one of your neurons. I then made a copy of your consciousness from the engrams and from the memories that you downloaded into B4. All of this has contributed to your being here today.'_

Altan smiled and paused. He looked down and opened his mouth slightly. After a few seconds, he began speaking again. 

_'I’m sure you also remember that you died- that's why we’ve gone to such great lengths to bring you back in this way.'_

A rush of memories came flooding back into Data’s mind, but they were all fuzzy and colliding into each other. He couldn’t remember the situation he was in that led to his death, but he knew it was dire. He remembered how scared he felt, how hopeless he had been, how much he wanted to keep the captain safe. He remembered finding B4 and uploading a copy of his memories into his brother's positronic net. He remembered being with Captain Picard, looking into his eyes for the last time. He remembered feeling okay because he knew the captain would be safe... and then nothing. He died. He... sacrificed himself? Perhaps in an effort to prolong the captain’s life. It made sense to him but he didn’t know for certain. 

He died. Albeit a little earlier than he had hoped and anticipated, he had achieved what he had always striven so hard for: the finite, mortal life of a man. Data Soong, the android- dead and gone. At least he should’ve been, if this hadn’t happened. 

_'Why did you bring me back?'_ he wanted to ask. Surely, the mere fact that he had died did not warrant the amount of work that had gone into making him conscious again. 

Altan continued speaking, ' _Bruce and I wanted to find out whether it was possible to revive a consciousness like this. Apparently, it’s worked. This could have a profound impact on future research concerning the elongation of biological lifespans. Ah, look at me going on about my work. I’m sure that’s not what you want to hear about right now. Another important bit of information for you to know is that the c_ _omputer in which your consciousness is connected to is capable of simulating any visual, auditory, or tactile stimulus that you imagine. Think of it like a more advanced holodeck. All you need to do is conceptualize what you want in your mind and it will appear. So, please, take a moment to imagine your body, the room you’re in, and whatever else you might want right now. It could take some getting used to, so be patient.'_

Data was confused. Normally, his mind operated at extremely fast speeds (60 trillion operations per second, he recalled) but this was all too much information for him to take in right now. It didn’t feel right- his thoughts being in this quantum consciousness. This was nothing like a positronic matrix. Everything was too slow, too complex for him to grasp. He tried to envision his body but it wasn’t working. He tried harder and harder, imagining every little detail that he could remember. 

Nothing. 

The frustration of everything occupied his entire mind. He shouldn’t be here. He didn’t want to be here- stuck in this void forever, with only his thoughts and nothing else. Frustration turned into anger. Anger at Bruce Maddox and anger at his apparent brother for doing this to him without considering the ramifications. He didn’t like being angry. 

Because of the emotion chip, his mind was now capable of identifying and processing his emotions. Since this was a copy of his entire consciousness, he couldn’t turn that ability off. When he was alive, he would deactivate the emotion chip whenever he experienced an emotion that he didn’t like. Now, he was unable to control those undesirable feelings. He would have to learn how to deal with them. That scared him. 

_'Gotten the hang of it yet?'_ Data was snapped out of his thoughts as Altan’s face and voice flashed into his head. He wasn’t ready yet. 

_'Pause recording,'_ Data thought. 

It stopped playing. He was surprised that worked. At least he was able to do something in here. He decided to keep trying to envision his body. He started at the top of his head, thinking about every strand of his long brown hair. He moved down to his forehead- then his pale yellow eyes, his nose, his mouth. He concentrated on every minute detail. Data braced himself for disappointment as he gathered the courage to try to open his eyes. He thought about the way his bioplast flesh used to feel whenever his eyes opened. Suddenly he felt the sensation of his eyelids moving over his eyes. It worked; he was blinking. He couldn’t believe it. Data continued blinking, afraid of losing the ability he had just gained. He still couldn’t see, everything around him was black. There was nothing to see in here, not yet. With newfound confidence, he immediately began to imagine his neck and shoulders, his torso and arms. He felt one of the fingers on his left hand twitch. He opened his eyes and moved his head down to look at his hand. He could see the pale golden flesh covering his arms and hands. He moved his hand out in front of his face, and watched as he made his fingers dance in front of his eyes. Data was overwhelmed with joy and excitement. He looked down at where his legs should have been and imagined them there. It worked! Just like that, he was in his body. No longer only a collection of thoughts and memories. His body was there, floating in the black void. Data breathed a sigh of relief. 

“Resume recording,” he spoke. No one to hear it, except himself. He was happy to find that his voice worked and that it sounded the same as it always had. 

Altan’s voice continued where it left off. Data envisioned the video recording to be playing in front of him as if he were looking at a viewscreen. 

_'I hope it didn’t give you too much trouble. Well, I still have a lot of information that I think you might want to know. Let’s get into it, shall we?'_

Dr. Soong filled Data in on everything that had happened within the last 20 years. The ban on synthetics, him and Bruce Maddox moving to Coppelius, the colony of androids they had created, everything. Data felt a sharp twinge in his chest. He had missed out on all of this. He was not around to fight for the rights of his people. He was unable to see the androids that had been formed from his positronic neuron- his kin. A family he would never be able to see. Data got lost in his despair. He could hear Altan was still droning on about the work that he and Bruce had done on Coppelius and how marvelous their androids were. Data didn’t want to hear any of that right now. Once again, he was feeling overwhelmed- by his emotions, by his thoughts, by this entire experience. 

_'Oh, and Data?'_

Data snapped out of his spiraling haze as he heard his name. 

_'I guess I saved the bad news for last.'_

Data braced himself- he wasn’t responding well to the supposed good news, and he was wary of whatever worse news could be in store. 

_'I’d rather focus on the positives of a situation and be hopeful that everything has worked out according to plan. But there is a chance that this didn’t even work and I’m just talking to myself right now for no reason. There’s no way for me to know whether or not your consciousness has actually been transferred into this computer. I very much hope that I have been successful in this endeavor and that you’re listening to this right now.'_

“Pause recording,” Data considered Altan’s words. The bad news, to Dr. Soong, was that his experiment was unsuccessful. Data wondered whether Maddox or Soong ever took into consideration his own feelings. He wanted to know whether they had considered that he would not appreciate their efforts to revive him in this manner. He wondered whether they even thought of him, as an autonomous person, at all. It appeared that he was just an experiment to them. A way for them to further their work and nothing more. Data didn’t want to be here. If either of them really knew him or cared enough about who he was, they would’ve known that this is not something he would’ve wanted for himself. When he died, he should’ve died. Just like any other person. 

“You have accomplished your goal, doctor. Congratulations. It appears that your good news is my bad news.” Data didn’t know why he was responding to a pre-recorded message. Maybe he hoped that Altan would be able to hear him, so that he could tell him that he didn’t want to be here. 

Data sighed, “Play recording.” 

_'I have just one more thing to say and it might not be what you want to hear... Uh, if you are in there,_ _there’s_ _no way for you to communicate with us.'_

Data had already begun to fear that this was the case, but to hear Altan confirm it... He was devastated. He was trapped. There was no other way to view it. 

_'If you are there and you’re upset by this, I’m sorry. We just couldn’t figure out how to make it work. But I promise you, we’ll keep trying everything to learn how to talk with you. Without you being able to communicate, I’ll never know whether this actually worked or not. So, I’m going to keep trying... Well, that’s about all I need to tell you. Sorry to end on a bad note. Just remember all of the greatness that will undoubtedly result from this, Data. We couldn’t have done this without you. Now, please, find ways to enjoy yourself. You have endless possibilities in that computer. Be well, Data.'_

As Altan’s face on the viewscreen faded away, Data felt like screaming. He had never been so angry before. To be treated this way by his own brother, this man who looked just like him and shared his last name, had hurt him more than he could ever imagine. 

He really was all alone in here. And he would be until... Well, theoretically, he would be alone in here forever.

\--------------

Data had stood in the darkness, or rather floated in the void, for hours. At least it felt like hours to him. Was time even relevant in this simulation? Did he experience multiple hours only for mere seconds to pass in the real world? He considered that for a moment, and came to the conclusion that it didn’t really matter. Nothing mattered here. It wasn’t real. 

Eventually, Data decided that it was no use to wallow in self-pity inside this void. He remembered that Altan said this was essentially an advanced holodeck. Where does one go to be happy? Home. He decided that’s where he was going to go. So, he shut his eyes and he imagined it- the room that brought him the most comfort. He thought of the people who usually occupied it, the sounds that were frequently heard, the calm electricity that always hung in the air. And suddenly he was there- on the bridge of the Enterprise. He could hear the beeps and whirrs from the consoles that surrounded him. He could feel the comfort of the chair beneath him. That electricity playfully dancing on his skin. But he kept his eyes shut; afraid that if he opened them, he wouldn’t see any of it. That this was just his imagination and that he was still in the void. 

“Mr. Data,” Commander Riker’s voice broke him from those thoughts as his eyes shot open. He was really here, on the bridge. He looked through the viewscreen and he saw the stars. His mouth gaped open as he slid his fingers smoothly over the console in front of him. 

“Mr. Data, the coordinates,” Riker was standing right next to him now, a slightly worried expression across his face. Data nearly jumped out of his chair at the sound of his voice. He turned around, mouth still hanging open as he looked his commanding officer up and down in disbelief. 

Riker noticed the staring and smirked, “The coordinates.” 

Knowing Commander Riker, Data could tell that he was amused at the android’s apparent fascination with his body. Riker had assumed the wrong kind of fascination, however. 

Data continued examining Riker from head to toe, looking for any imperfections- anything out of place. But the man standing in front of him was exactly as he remembered, and was looking more concerned as each second passed. 

“Data, is everything alright?” His eyebrows were drawn tightly together. 

Data decided to go along with the simulation, pretend that he actually was back on the Enterprise and that nothing was wrong. 

“Yes, sir. My apologies.” He looked at the console in front of him, “The coordinates to the starbase are 097-mark-345.” 

Riker eyed him warily before walking back to the captain’s chair and saying, “Lay in a course.” 

Data was overwhelmed; he was feeling so many emotions all at once- relief, excitement, happiness, hopefulness. He made it to his home, all he had done was think about it and he was there. It was amazing. 

Everything was so real, until he remembered that it wasn’t. 

“Mr. Data, you have the conn.” Data stood up as he saw Riker walk into Captain Picard’s ready room. 

“Yes, sir,” he said as he sat in the captain’s chair. Data couldn’t help but smile. Here he was, back on the Enterprise, sitting in the captain's chair, no less. He decided that if he did have to live in this simulation forever, he would gladly spend the rest of eternity on this ship with the people he cared about.

Data looked around the bridge, taking in every detail. Just like the simulated Riker, it was all perfect. He glanced back at Worf and made eye contact. Worf made a slightly confused face and immediately averted his eyes from Data’s. 

_'A very accurate simulation, indeed_ ,' Data thought. 

Riker walked out of the ready room and Data immediately stood up from the chair. 

“The captain wants to see you.” 

“Yes, sir.” Data walked to the ready room and faltered. He was about to face the man he apparently given up his life to save. The man he loved enough to die for. He braced himself as walked toward the doors that eventually opened for him. 

Like the bridge, and Riker, and Worf, everything was perfect in here. Especially the captain. Data could not notice anything out of place on him. He was a perfect recreation, down to each line on his weathered face and the slightly playful glint in his eyes that appeared whenever he was alone with Data. 

“Mr. Data, have a seat,” Picard motioned for him to sit on the chair in front of his desk. 

Data followed his command. 

“Commander Riker tells me that you have been acting slightly unusual. Do you think that’s true?” 

“I admit that my mind has been preoccupied, but I can assure you that my systems are operating at complete efficiency, sir.” 

“So, you don’t think there might be anything wrong with you?” 

“No, sir. There is no indication of any malfunction.” 

“Why has your mind been preoccupied?” 

Data heard the question but didn’t answer. In that moment, he could only focus on how _real_ this Jean-Luc seemed. He worried that if he left this simulation, it would never again be this perfect. Data took in the sight of the captain’s mouth, the hands that were holding a cup of tea, the dimple on his chin, as if it were the last time he would ever see them. 

Picard’s eyebrows knit together slightly, “You’re looking at me strangely.” 

Data was ripped from his reverie, “Am I, sir?” 

“Yes, like you’re staring at a ghost.” 

“It is quite the opposite, sir.” As the words were leaving his mouth, Data decided that was not a wise thing to say. 

Picard’s brow furrowed, “What does that mean?” 

“Nothing, sir. That... was a poor attempt at a joke.” 

Picard sighed, “Well, I would like for you go down to engineering and have Mr. La Forge do a systems check. I’ve already informed him that you’ll be coming.” 

“Yes, sir. I will go there now,” Data stood up. 

“Thank you, Mr. Data. Dismissed.” 

Data exited the ready room and entered the turbolift. 

“Engineering,” he told the computer. 

As the turbolift brought him down to engineering, Data thought about how much he was enjoying this simulation. It was as if he was back on the actual Enterprise, as if he had never died. He decided that he would stay in this simulation forever. There was no point in trying to make a new life for himself. This was home. This was where he should be. 

The turbolift stopped and Data walked through the doors into engineering. He found himself feeling very excited to see his friend. 

Data saw that Geordi was sitting at the desk in his office, looking dejected. 

Data walked over to him, “Are you okay, Geordi?” 

Geordi sighed and looked up at him, “Yeah, I’ve just been having some trouble on these calculations. It’s not a big deal. Anyway, apparently _I_ should be the one asking _you_ if you’re okay. What’s going on, Data?” 

Geordi had that genuine concern in his voice that he always had whenever Data was in any possible danger. Data thought about what a good friend Geordi had always been to him. That made him wonder about how he, the real Geordi, had been coping with his death. He hoped it hadn’t negatively affected him too badly. 

“I have performed multiple systems checks and I am operating at complete efficiency. There is no problem. My mind has simply been occupied elsewhere and that slightly affected my duties. I can assure you if I was a human officer, this level of concern would not be warranted.” 

“Come on, Data. You know we all just want to be sure that you’re okay.” Geordi sighed, “Maybe you’re right, but as your friends we have a duty to be worried about you and to make sure you’re healthy.” 

“I am aware of that and I appreciate it, but the concern is not necessary in this case.” 

“Well, the captain ordered me to do a systems check. Is that okay?” 

“Yes, it is okay with me. I am simply stating that it is not needed.” 

Geordi chuckled, “Okay, Data. Well, let’s just get this over with quickly then.” 

Geordi opened one of the side panels on Data’s head and began the procedure. 

“So, what are these distracting thoughts about?” 

Data considered whether he should lie to Geordi or be honest with him. He decided on somewhere in the middle. 

“I have been thinking about life and death.” 

Geordi furrowed his brow, “Why are you thinking about that?” 

“I have been wondering how you and all of my other friends would react upon my death.” 

“Data, I don’t understand. Why are you even thinking about your own death? Statistically, you’re going to outlive all of us. You have nothing to worry about.” 

“I am aware of the odds, Geordi. I am simply wondering about the effect that my death would have on people. How would you feel if I died?” 

“God, Data, I don’t even want to think about that.” 

Data’s eyebrows knit together slightly, “So, you would not react well in the event of my death?” 

Geordi looked at him with concern clearly displayed across his face, “Probably not.” 

Data looked down and considered the ramifications of his answer, “I see.” 

Geordi was tapping on the screen that hung on the wall next to him, “Well, everything’s checked out. No malfunctions that I can see.” He turned around to look at Data. “But now I am actually worried about you. I don’t think it’s healthy to be so preoccupied with your own death, Data. Maybe you should make an appointment with Counselor Troi.” 

“Perhaps you are correct. Thank you, Geordi.” Data knew that he would not be scheduling an appointment with the counselor. He was trying to convince everyone, convince himself, that he was the normal Data. Ultimately, he was trying to convince himself that he had never died. A session with her would surely ruin his efforts. 

**Author's Note:**

> so i wrote this fic like right after the finale of picard aired because i was upset that the writers implied that data had been stuck in the simulation for a long time by himself. knowing that data always viewed death as the ultimate goal for him to live a "normal" life, i was a little angry that altan would bring his consciousness back like this. i was also really upset that the writers didn't really explain what data did or what he thought about being in the simulation for so long. so this is just my interpretation of what the simulation would've been like for him and some of his thoughts/feelings about being there


End file.
